Christmas Sucks by Joanne Kimes author of Pregnancy Sucks Pregnancy Sucks for Men & Dating Sucks;

Author:Joanne Kimes author of Pregnancy Sucks, Pregnancy Sucks for Men & Dating Sucks;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: epub, ebook
Publisher: Joanne Kimes
Published: 2008-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

Loser Gifts

Sometimes you open a gift and a great big smile appears on your face without any effort whatsoever. Either the gift is something you've always wanted, or something you never even knew you wanted but now can't possibly live without — like those heavenly heated mattress pads. When this happens, savor every moment, people, because they're as rare as finding a Baldwin brother without a criminal record. With few exceptions, gifts inherently suck.

When you get a loser gift, it can be incredibly awkward, since you really only have one recourse: fake it. Force the sides of your mouth to form a smile, give the person a genuine-feeling hug, and say, “Wow, I just love it!” Sure, it'll take the acting skills of Anthony Hopkins, but if you fake it well, and the gift giver is anything like my husband, he won't have a clue.

Still, the question remains, why do so many gifts suck? To that, I'll propose some possible answers:

People tend to buy gifts for others that they really want for themselves. Who cares if Aunt Maureen doesn't cook? You've always wanted a heart-shaped waffle iron, so darn it to donuts, that's what she's gonna get!

People choose a gift because there's a little something in it for them. Everyone loves a free gift, including multimillion-dollar celebrities who clamor over Oscar baskets as if they were wedding dresses at Filene's Basement Once-a-Year sale. That's why, if Lancôme is giving away a “Dusty Rose” lipstick with every twenty-dollar purchase, you can bet you'll be wearing “Dusty Rose” come this holiday season.

People buy whatever's on sale. Sometimes there's a sale so incredible, you just can't resist it. Sure, your friend doesn't play golf and will never use a putting game, but he enjoys a green lawn so that's close enough.

People have so many gifts to buy, and know so little about many of the people they're giving gifts to, they just grab something generic and hope for the best.

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